Ten Things To Consider Before Pummeling Your Traitor Client
A Tongue-In-Cheek Analysis of the Desire For Revenge
Scenario: So a client suddenly decided to place his offer directly through a young and hot listing agent he met last night at Bar One, even though he has been working with another agent for 3 months. She of course promised a deal he couldn't refuse. And dessert, too. As a public service, I will try my best to give you reasons why he should not be stripped naked and mounted to a car as a hood ornament. (Any resemblance to those living or soon not-to-be is strictly coincidental.)
1. You could get your clothes dirty.
Why mess up those new Pradas just because you’re angry? Okay, maybe you could sacrifice one shoe – I’ll agree to that. Let's be honest - I might even sacrifice a Chanel suit. Okay, forget this one. A good pummeling of said traitor would take the sting out of escalating wardrobe costs. I'll see if I can come up with a better reason not to tan his hide. Let's try again:
- Other clients might witness the kerfuffle.
Well, maybe they won't, I'm thinking. First they must know what a kerfuffle is. And if you yell, “You kicked my crippled puppy!” while decking your client, sympathy is likely to fall in your direction. So strike this one as a deterrent, too. Moving on...
- Your client is jacking you out of a commission, not having an affair with your spouse.
Okay, I see the weakness of this reason to restrain oneself. Many of us would rather trade the spouse in for the commission. Let me try again.
- Errors and Omissions Insurance may not cover fisticuffs.
But if you can’t prove it, it didn’t happen, right? Just ask all our politicians. Cancel this one, too. Hold on - I’ve got this...
- You could sustain injury.
You must admit, this is a good reason to restrain oneself. But not perfect…because ideally you could put fire ants in the traitor’s Fruit of the Looms without getting hurt. Hmmmm…I’m still thinking. Give me a sec. Okay, I thought of a good reason:
- What if their new deal falls out of escrow and then the turncoat comes back to you?
So maybe one should wait until all contingencies are lifted before putting a pillowcase over the perpetrator’s head and dragging him off to a spa that specializes in Tabasco colonics? This is a good reason to hesitate, but I’m not sure this is reason enough to let the traitor off the hook completely. Still ruminating...
- Your satisfaction will only be short-lived.
One could say the same thing about intimate relations, but that never stopped anyone. Okay, so this was not a good rationale either. Give me a break, folks – I’m still working here.
- One could lose one’s license.
Okay, I finally found a good reason to forego payback. But on second thought, for those ready to retire, the more satisfying idea of payback still looms as a possibility. Go seniors – do it for us!
- Revenge is bad.
True that. But then again, scholars say “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” So why not at least smack him with a bag of ice cubes?
10. Clients are like husbands, they often come back when the excitement of something new wears off.
Well thank you, Jennifer Aniston! Maybe you and Brad Pitt can pay my mortgage while I wait for that to happen. In the meantime, I’m going rogue. I tried my best to find reasons not to deck the time-sucking lothario, but I see no reason for mercy. Hey, Benedict Arnold - hang on to your Fruit of the Looms. I’ll see you at Bar One!
(This is satire, folks, and not intended to promote dust-ups. So please sheathe your darts.)
GWEN BANTA - Sotheby's Global Advisor – China - http://www.GwenBanta.com
Visit my Asian Outreach Site at: www.EastWestRealEstateSpecialists.com
*DRE # 01362887