Here it is Sunday again, and I can't bring myself to inflict yet another market report on the masses yearning for a bit of weekend diversion. Weird Twitter - along with most of the rest of the internet - is still pretty much broken by politics, but I have spared no effort in digging up a few good non-political tweets for your reading pleasure.
Please enjoy these responsibly.
Spaceman: So. This is space. The final frontier.
Double Spaceman: So. This is space. The final frontier.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: so there are great schools in this neighborhood
ME: checking restaurants in the delivery area on my phone sorry what?
First they came for the mime artists, and I said something, because I didn't want them to think I was also a mime artist.
[ad for texting your ex]
Ever think that spoiled milk you threw out last year is magically good again?
Telling a child that they were adopted is the hardest thing about being a party clown
You can’t have it all, spoiled millennials. If you want to buy a house you’ll need to (checks the economy) move to Wyoming and stop eating
Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.
I've created a toilet paper roll dispenser that's mounted 6 ft high on the bathroom wall for ppl who live with kittens.
Being old is great because your arm will randomly start twitching or whatever & you’re like “well this is how life is now i guess”
And for dessert, a cartoon from the incomparable David Malki at Wondermark.com: